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Manners

Navigating Society

Etiquette in Society, In Business, In Po... (by Emily Post)
Emma/By Jane Austen (by Jane Austen)
The Importance of Being Earnest (by Wilde, Oscar, 1854-1900)
Evelina (by Burney, Fanny)
The Comedy of Manners (by Palmer, John)
Congreve's Comedy of Manners (by Morlock, Frank J.)
Miss Lulu Bett : An American Comedy of M... (by Gale, Zona)
The Idle Born, A Comedy of Manners (by Chatfield-Taylor, Hobart Chatfield)
Robin Aroon, A Comedy of Manners (by Gordon, Armistead Churchill)
The rescue of Prince Hal, a comedy of ma... (by Woodman, Hannah Rea)

Love or money may make the world go ’round, but manners grease the gears. Every culture around the globe creates an elaborate system of etiquette that determines an orderly formula of behavior. This knowledge of social interaction inspires confidence and shows at least a basic level of care and respect for others. With his usual pithy wit, Oscar Wilde is credited with saying, “A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.” He meant, of course, that a gentleman (or lady) who insulted another person did so with intention.

In 1908, Luther Minter published The Compendium of Every Day Wants: Or Practical Information for the Millions in which he included a section on polite etiquette, including the following quote: “A thorough gentleman, courteous and well-bred, will never give offense intentionally, and will not permit himself to be easily offended. He is always quick to forgive and ready to confess a fault and seek pardon when he wrongs another.”

Essays and books on polite behavior can be found as early as The Maxims of Ptahhotep, which was written sometime in Egypt between 2414 and 2375 BC. Chinese teacher, politician, and philosopher Confucius (551 - 479 BC) emphasized moral and polite conduct in government and society. Known as the Sun King, Louis XIV (1638 - 1718 AD) of France codified an elaborate system of manners to impress foreign dignitaries and tame the French aristocracy.

The importance of etiquette throughout the centuries cannot be underestimated. Many self-appointed gurus of polite behavior, such as Emily Post, authored books instructing the clueless as well as toadying social climbers the finer points of good manners. The World Public Library’s catalog lists nearly 70,000 books on the topic alone.

Manners throughout history not only varied among countries and cultures, they not only differed by gender, social status, and age, they also reinforced those differences. The etiquette of gentlemen evolved to show protective care for the fairer sex and to avoid potentially lethal clashes of misunderstanding between men. Even fighting involved rules of behavior to reduce the risk of fists, swords, and guns. The etiquette of ladies emphasized their reliance upon their male guardians and maintain societal ideals of femininity which were viewed as a civilizing influence upon the brutish nature of men. The old (and perhaps familiar) saying that children are best seen and not heard summarized centuries’ worth of manners for children.

Many historical novels, such Emma written by Jane Austen, The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde, and Evelina by Fanny Burney, use the entrenched etiquette of their times to highlight inequities in society, display poor character, heighten misunderstanding, and further both romantic and comedic plots. Such plays and stories that use etiquette to showcase societal absurdity are called comedies of manners. Such entertainment satirizes the manners and affectations of social classes and may be read here:

The Comedy of Manners by John Palmer
Congreve’s Comedy of Manners by Frank J. Morlock
Miss Lulu Bett: An American Comedy of Manners by Zona Gale
The Idle Born: A Comedy of Manners by Hobart Chatfield Taylor
Robin Aroon, a Comedy of Manners by Armistead C. Gordon
The Rescue of Prince Hal, a Comedy of Manners by Rea Woodman.

Although today’s etiquette has evolved and relaxed in many aspects, it has expanded into other arenas not fathomed by the masters of centuries past. One can find essays and guides on polite behavior related to places of worship, dance, public lavatories, workplaces, entertaining, and interacting with the disabled.

Readers seeking to brush up on correct behavior for modern times can consult The Emily Post Institute, Debrett’s, Miss Manners, and other experts on what to do, what to wear, and what to say and when, all in the interest of not giving offense and showing respect for others.

By Karen M. Smith